I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
