then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
