dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
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