I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
