thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
