I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
