I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
