i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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