i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Randomize
