remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
