Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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