I think im going to throw up on grandma
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
