I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Your mouth is God's brothel.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
