That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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