yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
