my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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