My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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