I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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