im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
