I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
