I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize