Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
