I just made out with a guy for $7.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
