Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
