mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Randomize
