how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
