I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
You are the jesus of drinking
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
