the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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