I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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