Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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