Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
