i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
