the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
