I looked at my own cervix.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
