I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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