i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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