I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
