the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
