Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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