just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
