i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Randomize
