Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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