i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
