im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize