The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
