we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
It's rum buckets o'clock
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
