You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
