Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
