I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
