it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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