suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
