And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
