you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
