Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I cut my penus on the lid.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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