Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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