I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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