you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize