pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
