I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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