The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
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