dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
