You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
