I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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