I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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