Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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