I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
