walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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