Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
