We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I think my moral compass just broke
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
