My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
