a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
