never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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