We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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