I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
