Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
