Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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