Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
