Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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