Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
