i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
