So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
