Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
