So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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