Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
