were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
