my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
