I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
