I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize