We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
