The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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