i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
