I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
