I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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