God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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