i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Randomize
