Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
