Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
FUCK WHALES
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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