Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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