and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
