Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Randomize
